Felicitación de Navidad

No os perdáis el magnífico artículo del combativo Enrique (felicidades en el día de tu patrono, poeta). Propongo un concurso de Christmas no navideños, y de frases penosas. De momento arrasa Gallardón con su modernidad, pero todo se andará.

Mientras tanto, he aquí una felicitación políticamente correcta que me ha hecho gracia:

Dear friends,
I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. I have therefore sought legal advice and I wish to say to you :-
Please accept with no obligation, either implied, or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday (summer solstice in the Southern Hemisphere), practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion, or the secular practices, of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious, or secular, traditions at all.
I also wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures, whose contributions to society have made the Kingdom of Spain great (not to imply that the Kingdom of Spain is necessarily greater than another country or it may qualify as a nation), and without regard to race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preferences of the wishees, and those of whom this salutation is addressed.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms; This greeting is subject to clarification, or withdrawal. It is freely transferable to a third party, but without any alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wishers to actually implement any of these wishes for her/himself, or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishers. This wish is warranted as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one calendar year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday period greeting, whichever shall occur first, and warranty, either implicit or implied, is limited to replacement of this wish, or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishers.
Legally binding yours,
D.

Cluedo

David ha pedido a los Reyes el Cluedo. Cuando Carmen ha ido de paje de SS.MM. se ha encontrado con que, en la versión actual, ya no están ni la Srta. Amapola, ni el doctor Mandarino, ni la profesora Rubio, ni el rancio marqués de Marina. Qué va. Ahora entre los (potenciales) asesinos están un sacerdote (con alzacuellos, of course) y un militar.

No sé por qué me da que a los Reyes esto no les va a gustar nada.